just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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