That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
