remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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