yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
