Dual....:-)
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
