She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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