I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
