I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
