OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
