you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
