I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
