Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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