so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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