Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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