i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
