I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
