Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
