***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
