i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
