I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
