On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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