Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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