dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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