checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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