Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
