I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
