with your own penis?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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