Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
