Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
