he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
