No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
