you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
