Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
