if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
