Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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