Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
