last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
