we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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