My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
