i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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