Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
