So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize