ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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