she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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