I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
