Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
