I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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