I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
