all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
