And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
