I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
