I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
