Don't you send me to vm
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize