So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize