We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
