The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
