By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
