some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
