UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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