playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
