Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
