Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
