He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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