thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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