in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
