Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
