I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you never un-have a 4some
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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