Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
