I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
