Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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