he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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