Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
