so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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