Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
