i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
