I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
