Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
