If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
