i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
