she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
