I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
